daltonlinjunjie

Time After Time

2009-02-06T19:27:00.003+08:00

I know that i promise not to have anymore post here but to have all my post in the new site but i just want you to know that i still remember what day it was 2 days back. It was the first day that we meet. I don't know if you still remember but i do. I still think of you every now and then but I don't know if we have gone to far to ever turn back. I've taken any effort to woo you back cos i want you to be happy rather then pulling you back to your life of misery with me. Be happy with whatever you path you choose just know that you must not have any regrets. All the best in your in your journey through life. ok i guess thats all I've got to tell you. Bye

Moved on

2009-01-31T20:16:00.009+08:00

200th post
This is my 200th post but there isn't any i would like to share other than this blog site has officially close and that i've started a new blog but not done up completely yet. Now that the time has come i will leave out all those wanted memories but always keep those i treasure in my heart. I will miss you i hope you miss me too. Hope to see you doing well in your tourism course that you're gonna take soon. I will bring all the good memories to my grave. The time you puked on my bed. The time we took 36 round and round. All the movies we watched, the one with the movie marathon was the best. The times we cooked together. The nights we spent together. The stars we gazed. And much more just too many to say out. Like the fun times we had he had an equal share of bad times we qurreled. I still remember you slapped me ... haha really funny i actually wanted to cry... haha Anyway i've forgiven you over it.

I had actually hope that we could still be freiend despite all that has happened but it seem impossible as you seem to hate me so much now. However i will still remember you in the times to come. So if we ever meet in the future hope you will still remember me too and that you are doing well in whatever you're doing. I know its partially my fault that you are the way you are right now so i will always hate myself for it. However do take care of yourself. Bye.

Distraction for distraction

2009-01-31T20:06:00.002+08:00

I'm trying very hard to keep my mind of you. I know you clearly hate me showing so much concern for you so i promise i will not bother you. And like i promise i've not bother you in anyway. Just hope you are happy now.

And when you go.
Would even turn to say.
I don't love you like i did yesterday.

Goodbye

2009-01-31T01:13:00.003+08:00

I just hope that you will someone who will take care of you and never ever hurt you. That is all that i wish for. I don't want to see you get hurt or anything. I know you talked to Lester recently and told him to tell all of us to stop pestering you. I guess all of us includes me. I will not bother you anymore. Like i said all i want is to see you happy. If you hate me so much that it pisses you off then i guess you will never see me ever again. I had actually bought a Rivermaya CD which had the song "You be safe here" I wanted to give it to you today but guess you don't wish to see me. However if you still want the CD just tell me i'll ask Lester or what to pass it to you. I don't listen to them anyway i bought it just for you.

Btw to all my faithful readers i will be moving on to a new site. I've not thought of a name neither have i come up with a skin for it yet don't have the time to do so yet till then just wait. I will continue to blog but somewhere else will personally tell you the url as i would prefer to keep it private. If you want the link just tell me when its up i'll inform you.

Without a reason.

2009-01-30T14:07:00.002+08:00

My plans of us ever getting back together has long gone with every second that past ever since the day we parted. Ever since 2 weeks ago i knew no matter what i do or say will never bring us back together again. I just want you to know whatever i do now is not that i have the intentions of going back but because the feeling is still here for you. Up till now this is the only thing that has not changed over time. I will not deny the fact that i still do love you. But everything i do now is not because i want to go back. I want you to be happy and free like a bird out of its cage. However like a bird out of its cage it is endangered but hunters all around waiting for a chance to hunt it down. Predators lerking at every cornor preying on you. I worry for you my love, so do take care. I don't care if we're never to be together again. We don't need a reason to love someone. True love can't be explained. Like why God still love us even when we are so sinful. God still loved the people who were not christians and do not intend to be christians. I'm not saying that i'm God but just a rough idea of what i meant.

So till the day my feeling for you are gone i will not stop caring for you.

What is this that i feel?

2009-01-29T02:12:00.002+08:00

I have to admit, up till now i still think of her occasionally. I know that i should move on by now by certain things aren't as easy as it seems. People always say if you don't let go you will never find some one better. If it were so easy to let go i would have long ago. Up till now i still have feelings for her even though its really over between us. I miss her.

Till now i'm still trying very hard to let go. I visit her blog and facebook profile less often than before. I've not even talked to her for a very long time. As in a proper conversation. Other than one happy new year wish i sent her. I guess if i have not sent that sms she would not have sent me one. I clearly see that you have moved on. Maybe its better of this way for you.

I do so cos i know you want to move on badly and i know that whenever i see her with another guy in a picture i get jealous. I don't know if there are any but i just avoid going to not know. I want the truth yet i'm afraid of it. And if i'm gonna get jealous and keep bugging her over it this will never end. So i know it will be better that i don't know. However sometimes truth comes to you in many other way. Recently someone told me you were going clubbing. And when i asked she said say it at your FB profile. Even when i avoid going there somehow the facts still come to me. It kind of made me worried.

I know i have been saying that i will close this blog soon as the only reason i wanted to blog was gone. Yeah i will be but not right now as the feeling is still there. I know right now its a very one sided love. Soon it will jus fade out i hope. Then i will officially close this site down. I know there isn't much point in me doing this anymore either as i doubt she still comes here but i just want to do it.

I don't want to deny the fact that i still love her and i miss her badly. I realize that we should always express how we feel rather than to keep it all inside. Although sometimes its hard to say how we feel but one way or another we still have to.

If you can't beat it be it and if you can't be it support it

2009-01-27T21:44:00.006+08:00

Haha another of my crappy ideas. For anyone who knows me well i mean like real close i hope by now you should know that i really keen of making the band that i'm in really popular. Firstly i love music as long as its good music. I want to be able to be like them. I think it awesome where you can perform and like everyone enjoys it too. So i love music and i wanna be able to spread this love. And i guess the only way is to play good music. Make people love your music. Sadly i think i kinda old for this kind of stuff as in i started out to late and i don't think i've got the talent. So like the old saying goes. If you can't beat it be it however this time i can't be it. So i will add on to the saying. If you can't be it support it. So talking about supporting, there has been this new show on channel 5 called Live and Loaded. Yeah you all should watch it. It showcase all our local talent. Hopefully one day my band will be there. LOL Highly not possible. I'm still gonna enjoy playing my guitar and sticking together with my band mates, friends and family. I will always enjoy jamming with my friends as a hobby maybe take part is some competitions.

I shall talk more about the show. Electrico, The Great Spy Experiment, Lamp post shadow and some other which i cant really remeber their name were featured. Could not remember their name cos i guess they were not as good i guess but still keep up the good work. To be able to be on the show they are already better than me. Lamp post shadows were awesome although they are students jus like me. They are from republic poly. So i hope if they can do it i will one day be able to be like them if not better. For next week's episode Jack and Rai will be featured so if you don't know who they are here is a link to watch their video of their song. Jack and Rai Go check it out i think that they are really great.

Happy Chinese New Year.

2009-01-27T09:34:00.002+08:00

Hmmm... I don't think it is as happy as it use to be in the past. I did enjoy going around getting red packets though cos then i would have some money to buy stuff off my wish list. I know that chinese new year is to be all jolly and merry and to forget all things sad but some how it still comes to mind when i do certain stuff. I'm already tring so hard to let you go, getting you out of my mind, but some how everything reminds me about you. Went to the hospital to visit my step-mom's dad and it brought back memories of me waiting for you at the hospital on my birthday. It was my birthday i really could not wait to go out and celebrate with you and i ended up ruining you surprise. haha Now that we are starting to let go i wish you all the best and that you will find someone better.

I'm sorry

2009-01-22T23:30:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry for woo-ing on feb 2008. I'm sorry for asking you to be my girlfriend. I sorry for making you look bad. I'm sorry for loving you. I'm sorry for once being part of your life. I'm sorry for everything.

I never had any intentions of making you look bad from the start. All i ever wanted was that you will see it cos you never wanted to listen to what i had to say. And every time i tried to tell you, you would get piss. I just didn't know how else to tell you. I guess posting was a bad idea.

After the conversation with you yesterday i feel that you've totally given up. Although i wish there is something to do, there isn't much that i can do now. You've already moved on. Its going to be hard but i'm going to have to try my best. Even if i wait for you at the exact same spot like how i did last time i know it not going to change anything. You're not coming back. You're never coming home.

It was really a miracle that you called me back the other time but i don't think miracles will happen twice. I wish it did. No birthday wish or shooting star is going to help me this time.

Sometimes i wish i had not posted that post and you would not have left me. However i know that someday you still had to know because if i just kept holding it inside of me one day i will just breakdown and you will still know. I didn't want this relationship to be built on lies. I wanted it to be built with true love, trust and understanding for one another. It seems that after you have known how i feel you're going to give all this up it really hurts me but i don't want to stop you. I want you to be happy and do what you want. Like what people always say if you really love her let her go. Its easy to say it but when you truly in love with her its a different story altogether.

I really don't know how you can move on so easily.

This blog will be closing down soon because the only reason that i'm writing this is no longer.

hard to move on

2009-01-22T22:30:00.002+08:00

Really tired so i shall not talk much about what happened but instead i will just say what i think is most important. Dear Yoshiko i wish you would just answer my call i've been trying to contact you but you just won't answer any of my calls. I had actually wanted to pop by the pub to see you but i assume that you don't wish to see me so i didn't went down as not to get you pissed. Hope that if this is the end i just want to see you for one last time. Thats all that i ask for and nothing else after that you can do whatever you like and i will not stop you. I miss you. I know you didn't call from yesterday till now so i assume its already over.

All hope is not lost

2009-01-21T20:25:00.002+08:00

I've not given up hope even at this very moment. I know its already at night and you've still yet to call me. To be frank i think that you won't call me but i will still wait for it till the very last second of this night. But if you really do not call me i will take it as you want to move on. Another thing is that if you don't think that you will be happy to be back together then its also best that you move on. If we are to get back, I want us to be the happiest couple together in the whole world and everyone else would be jealous of us. Me and my nonesense again. I don't want to fight with you anymore. Its alright if we disagree in our opinions cos thats what makes us different but at end of the day we must be able to agree as one. Like two hearts beating as one. I really hope that we won't just get back and that we always don't see eye to eye and no one is going to agree with one another. However as long as we are keen in working together hard on it then i believe we can. Whatever your decision i just want you to be happy.

And another thing Baby its also not too late if you call by tomorrow cos i know that at the present moment you might be working. So i know you won't be free or might not have even seen this post. Just don't take too long and i will be waiting for you.

ps, lester i know you said that i really have to move on and not let this drag on but i just want to give this one last chance if we can make it a better one. So hope you will understand.

Chasing a shooting star

2009-01-20T23:01:00.002+08:00

Was just back from a night run at east coast. Its has been a long time since i last run. Approximately about 5mth i guess. Running at the beach really brought back good memories when i was still with Joe. It reminds me of the time that we stayed over at the beach together. We star gaze together under the dark night sky. I showed you the different constellations. We had even brought over the guitar cos you said you wanted to learn a little. I remembered you even said you wanted to buy a pink guitar pick. In the end you still did not learn anything. Sadly at that point i still wasn't hype about playing guitar as compared to now. So at that time i still knew very few songs only. We had bought a mat and insect repellant from 7eleven. You were allergic to the insect repellant so you ended having rashes after using it. In the night while we were trying to sleep we manage to catch a glimpse of some shooting stars. Both of us made a wish. I wished that we would be together forever while you wished for lots of money. Sadly none of our wish had come true. Now all that i wish is to be able to catch a glimpse of shooting stars again and i will wish that we are back together like all times. I know its a rather impossible wish but still i long for it.

Now that we're done

2009-01-19T20:58:00.003+08:00

Now that we're done.
I'm so sorry.
Why did I lie ?
I'm so sorry.
I know I hurt you.
I know I hurt you.

I know nothing i say or do is going change anything from now on. It even more quiet now that you're gone. We would always meet everyday when everything was well. It slowly became to few days a week and before you went to work. Soon it became to only before work. Now its gone. Without you here is just so quiet. Although i still love you, i think its time i let go. Remember we used to say maybe this is just the way we will be arguing all the time but we'll always be together. However this time i think you're really tired of it now. So i'm going spare you a thought and i will leave you for your own good. Fly my canary, find your true love. You were never mine to begin with. I should not have held on so tight.

Chinese New Years coming

2009-01-18T23:06:00.002+08:00

To celebrate the new year i've bought a new pair shoes although i still love my Macbeth shoes alot. Its gonna die soon looking at how worn out it is but i'm still gonna wear it. I might get a new pair of macbeth if i've got the cash or if anyone is willing to buy for me i more than willing to take it. I got a pair of Nike Free Everyday+ actually wanted this shoe long time ago but it was freaking expensive so now that its $118 i can finally afford it. I don't know if its nice to you all but its certainly nice to me.

By the way Yoshiko I'm really sorry i never meant to make you look bad. I just wanted your attention to how i was feeling. Anyway whatever i say now isn't going to make any difference we are still gonna be apart since you already said it yourself that you dont need and want me anymore. Thank you.

Well done

2009-01-17T10:10:00.003+08:00

Well i guess now everyone who comes to my blog knows that i'm a total screw up. I guess this is my fate to forever be a screw up in relationships. I did not post up all this to make you look like an ass. You only think that all i'm doing is to make you look bad. I did it so that you will truly know how i feel. When i told you face all you did was to get even more angry at me. I really didn't know how else to let you know how i felt. So i guess if this was all a plan to get back at me, well done you got me real bad. I admit it you got me this time. Repeating every wrong that i had done upon you. I guess the biggest loser was me after all. Now i know that i was so dumb enough to have love you so badly even though when it all seems over. I thought that i was able to change everything but i was wrong. I really hate all this fighting. I don't want to fight with you anymore. I shall admit defeat and just back off.

I'm sorry that i was never there for you. I'm sorry for saying mean things to you. I'm sorry for everything. I hope you are happy now that you got back at me.

To every message there is a good and bad view to it but we humans always fail to look at it from the right point of view. You may think that all that i'm doing now is to make you look bad. Well i'm not. I'm doing this cos i really want to let you know how i feel so that things between us could get better. But since you feel that its otherwise then i shall not stop you from thinking that way. I will not change your point of view.

I feel that all this fighting is redundant. I hate to fight, i hate to argue. I hope you've notice it by now. I will only fight to defend what i truly treasure and love. To protect all that you love. You are who i loved so i do not wish to fight anymore.

I wish you all the best.

Personal opinion

2009-01-16T23:15:00.002+08:00

Frankly i sense that this is really the end for the both of us. I don't feel that you need me or anything any longer. I don't feel that you need me either. In a relationship i feel that both party must be happy there is seriously no point if i'm like the only person who wants this. If you don't want this i will not try to force you anymore. I remember what you told me. The fire you have for me is no longer as strong as it use to be. If it dies out then maybe its time we move on. So if it has died then i i guess i will have to move on. I don't know why all my thoughts are so negetive but its even in my dreams that i see myself losing you. Its huaunting me in every single way. I hate it i really do. Being with you makes me real stress to cos i jus feel that there are just to many competition for you. I always thought that true love is one where by you can feel a sense of comfort. Whenever you need her you know that she will always try their best to be there for you. She will be able to ease your every doubts and fear. But somehow when i'm with you all i have is fear from losing you. So is this then still true love that we speak of?

Other things that were on my mind

2009-01-16T13:39:00.003+08:00

I don't know if this would be appropriate but i feel that i do not wish to keep this inside me any longer. Firstly joe, you should how much you mean to me. I know that you work at a pub and yeah i'm now fine with it. But there are still some things i think i cant close my eyes on. The fact that you said you call every guy that comes to your pub honey. You know the day i took your phone and i saw you call some other guy honey it really devastated me. When i asked you, you said you did it to all the guys. Well that didn't help by making it look like a "normal thing to do". Well it only made me feel worst. So you're calling every honey so what am I ? Just like any other guy? Well you know how bad that made me feel. How would you like if i called every other gal honey? Secondly the other time about the guy that asked you that if you liked him. Well i've been thinking. You said you didn't want to say no cos it would make things between you and him awkward. Well why not you compare me feeling hurt and you feeling awkward. Which is worst ? If its really awkward you could just avoid him. Unless you're saying you don't wish to avoid him.

Yeah i hope you know how i feel now well if you don't wish to know i won't force you either. Everything happens for a reason. I know you're not a single bit worried if i were to leave you. You look hotter and probably even slimmer than before. Any guy would want to take you. I'm not saying all this to get you pissed i'm just saying this so that you will know how i feel.

So i hope to receive your call by next week with what you think. You know i would always want to go back with you but well a relationship is not a one person thing. It requires that both side are happy with each other. If you're not happy well there isn't any reason for me to hold you anymore. I've learnt that sometimes letting go of things you really love is part of life. Its inevitable we can't run away from it. If i don't receive your call i will take it as its over. And even if the reason was because you didn't see this post then i guess its also over. Cos you once said you read my blog everyday to know whats going on in my life. It was a sign that you cared. So if you didn't read by next week it also comes to show that you don't care.

Whatever your decision is i just hope that you won't regret. I don't want you to regret being with or leaving me. So think carefully.

You never called

2009-01-15T07:54:00.002+08:00

It was really nice of you. After yesterday you never reply any of my sms. You didn't even called me once. I waited but you never called. Not even before you left for work or during your break at work. Thanks a lot it really shows how much you care. I'm really sorry if either this post of the previous offended you but if i'm wrong please correct me.

This doesn't feel like yesterday

2009-01-14T22:02:00.002+08:00

Hey babe i think i'm really tired of keeping this in me any longer. Firstly some how the way we are now just doesn't seem to be like how it use to be. I bet you already notice the way i was when we met up today. I'm feeling really lost right now. I seriously don't know if you want me back or not. I keep getting the feeling that you are like on and off. I really don't know what you want anymore. I also get the feeling that everything just isn't the way it use to be in the past. Maybe you have changed or maybe its me. I don't know. Right now this is how i feel. Its like you lost something really precious and you really want it back. When you finally get it back its all destroyed. You try your best to piece it back together like how it use to be but no matter how hard you try it just doesn't feel the same anymore. I really long for the past but it doesn't seem like its ever coming back. Maybe you should spent a week to consider if you really want me back. Its alright if you don't i won't blame you its my fault that we have come where we are right now. I really don't know if we can ever go back like how we use to be. As happy as ever but without the bad me. This dream of mine really seems so illusive.

Secondly, I just keep getting the feeling that you really want to hide our relationship status from everyone. Away from the people you know at the pub. You don't even want to put your status as dating me. Well let me tell you how i feel. I feel like crap ok so i hope you are happy. Are you afraid that if you tell people you are seeing someone already all those guys won't talk to you anymore? Yeah i have to agree the attention you're getting now should be feeling really good. I really hate it too when you have to hide from me when you talk to some other guy that likes you. I hope you know that too.

Another thing is that i really don't like you to smoke. I never stopped you from smoking. I hope that its good enough. You should know that i don't like people to smoke in front of me. If you really wanted you could at least say let me go smoke then you go one corner to smoke. I won't stop you. Instead you smoke in front of me. It kind of hurt me a little when you said you just didn't want to meet me. Maybe if i had a car to send you to work it might be different. Sadly i don't.

I'm sorry if i'm to direct but i just wish to keep this inside me any longer. Its really tiring. I seriously don't know if this is your way to keep me closer or to cherish you even more but some how i think it isn't working instead its making it worst. I think we should really take this week off where you can really go spent some time thinking about every thing. I don't want to make it as if its so hard to be together. If its really so hard then if we still continue i guess we are just forcing it. I've somehow came to see that maybe if it really doesn't work there is really no point that i try anymore. And everybody please leep your comments to yourself thank you.

Happy birthday Darling

2009-01-14T00:40:00.004+08:00

Haha... Nope its not Joe's birthday, its our birthday. Last time every 14th of feb whenever joe asked me if i remember what day was it i would always crap with her pretending that i don't. I would then say its her birthday. It kind of funny but i guess that joke some how finally back fired at me. Today when i called her wanting to remind her about it she told me happy birthday. This was how the conversation went
Me: Baby you free ?
Joe: yeah can say so.
Me: I want to tell you something.
Joe: What ?
Me: err...
Joe: Happy Birthday.
Me: Haiz ... nvm ( at this point of time i still did not realize it i thought you really could not be bothered.)
I had only realize it when you told me you last time always happy birthday. I'm really glad you remember how i use to crap with you. I Really love you.

Exams are coming soon

2009-01-12T10:48:00.002+08:00

When i mean soon its real soon like about 5 more weeks to go. That is less than 2 month away. Really got to start preparing if i don't want to end up like last semester. It is going to be difficult but i really got to start so from today onwards i will try to play less like only spend 2-3hrs at most playing the rest would go to studying and if i'm spending time with joe there would not be any play time for the day.

Right now everything ain't going very well for me. My dad jus found out that Yoshiko quitted school and started working at the pub full time. Before any of you make any comments i would like to tell you why. Firstly she no longer has any interest for nursing so she is quitting not because she doesn't want to study anymore but because she wants have a change in course. Secondly she is working full time at the pub now because she need the money to pay off her bond that she broke. Although i don't really like her working at the pub because i feel that a pub isn't really a safe enviroment for any girl to work at i would still have to support her no matter what. She really need the money to pay off the bond. Just hope she knows how to take care of her self while at work. The last thing i would ever want is that something bad happen to her. She means the world to me and if anything would ever happen to her it will hurt me badly. So because of all this my dad no longer approves of our relationship. I'm not going to back out from this relationship because i really love her. So what if she doesn't go to tourism and stops studying i don't care. At most when we ever get married i would be the sole bread winner of the house. And so what if she works in the pub now. I know that she loves me so she is not going to do anything that will hurt my feeling towards her. So i'm still sticking with her no matter what even if it means getting kick out of home.

Nothing in the world could ever replace her.

Being missed

2009-01-11T17:42:00.003+08:00

It always nice to know that you are being missed when you are away for a short period of time. Wenny and Mimi went over to Thailand for holiday. I guess i don't have to elaborate any further and yes Joe is missing them really badly. She started crying when she reached my place because she misses them a lot. To know that you are being missed lets you know that the people back home needs you and wants you back. We all want to feel wanted by someone. No one want to be unwanted. Like when choosing players for a team, none of the player wants to be choosen last. It only shows that you are the least wanted on either team. I wonder if anyone will miss me so badly till they cry when i'm gone. Not that i will be gone anytime soon but just a thought in my mind. But seriously you never know. Maybe i would just die the very next moment. Or maybe while taking my driving lessons i get into a serious accident and i never made it out. No one knows what the future has install but we can always plan our future and try make it the way we want it to be. Cheer up my princess, everything is going to be alright. They will be back home soon so don't worry.

bottled up

2009-01-11T06:45:00.001+08:00

Feelings get bottled up waiting to be exploded. I guess today just isn't a good day for it. Will there be another day i don't know.

Paranoid

2009-01-10T22:29:00.003+08:00

I've been feeling very paranoid over some stuff lately. Could not really sleep well for the past few night. Kept having nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night. Even after i wake up it doesn't stop right there, it continues even after i go back to sleep. I really don't know if i will go crazy but i certainly feel that i need some help. I might need to see a doctor to seek professional help. Seriously its not that i don't trust her but because with a girl like her as your girlfriend you should get worried. She is the best girl in the world. You better get worried cos every guy would want a girl like her. She is the nicest person in the world. If you have a girlfriend like her you better treasure and take care of her don't be like me and regret. A girl like her comes once in a million lifetime. So i guess this is my 1 millionth life time already. When i die I've got to die another 1 million times before i meet another girl like her again. Without you i really don't know what would be of me now. I love you for everything you've done for me. You never fail to make me smile. Thank you.

Progress over time

2009-01-10T08:14:00.004+08:00

To everything in life as long as we put our heart to it, no matter what, after some time there will be progress. The 2 current significant events i think is to be able to woo joe's heart back and improvement in the band. I'm really glad I did not give up in the early stages. I was so pessimistic
about the out come that i did not have much motivation in me to carry on. I had thought that all my actions were beyond redemption. I guess i was wrong. Thanks all you guys who supported me through this rough times. We had lots of fun drinking and drinking nothing else but drinking. Just joking but drinking was definitely one of it. The next event i would like to talk about is our jamming standards. I strongly feel that we've come a long way since the very first time. I still remember that the first time that we wanted to jam was a random idea. We all just pick up our own instruments and started jamming to Swing Swing. It was rather amazing as we had never ever jam before and the results were quite good. Ever since then we kept jamming till now. Lets all just keep this up. I know its a little too late for us to ever reach fame status but at least lets improve till a standard where we can have lots of fun. Now we are able to play teddy picker another great song i feel.
Can we climb this mountain i don't.
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow.
Lets take it easy, easy now, watch it go. (killers-when you were young)
We will climb this mountain together as a band step by step and i know one day we will reach there.

Hey baby i was really glad that i was able to see you for a very short while yesterday. I guess i really miss you so badly that i had to take a glimpse of you. Although it was a very short while i would have to say its better than nothing. You've got me so addicted to you.

Sorry didn't had the time to blog yesterday cos i was really tired.

Missing you

2009-01-09T00:16:00.003+08:00

I'm really missing you really badly. Every second spent without you is spent missing you. I really wish God had made the world where there would be like 25hrs a day. This way i could meet you everyday with the extra hour. Loving you so much is becoming a little of a bad thing cos i'm so stuck to you that without you my world feels so empty. However this does not mean i will love you less. My love for you will always be the same if not more each day. Can't wait till the next day i can be with you again. I really enjoy every moment spent with you. Love you

Never ending

2009-01-08T01:24:00.002+08:00

Life is full of worries, it is never ending. It just keeps coming one after another. For my case even after Joe and me are back together, my initial worries that she might have found some other guy and will never come back to me changed into she met a new guy and wants to leave me for him. LOL I seriously don't know why my mind keeps coming up with all these thoughts. Its really irritating. However it is not all that bad because it also shows that i really love her and that i don't want to lose her thus resulting in the way i feel now. Baby i hope you will not get piss at me for being so paranoid at every little thing. I just hope that maybe you would help me feel less paranoid. Love you.

Nothing like you

2009-01-07T00:58:00.005+08:00

Finally after 47 days you truly accept me back. I'm glad that i never give up cos I know I will regret now that I know you actually had the intention of getting back together again. I will hate myself for eternity knowing I gave up when I actually had the chance to be with the greatest girl in the world. To me she is just the perfect girl. I see everything in her that not everyone does. It was way earlier than i had expected. I thought for me to make amendments for the 7mths would be longer than 47days but I'm very happy you did too. You are the very first girl that i wasn't able to let go of. You got me hooked onto you for life. No one has ever meant so much to me except you. I never knew you were my everything till the day you left. Now that you're back I promise you that I will never let you down. Never will you ever have to shed another tear of sadness again when I'm with you. I will try my best to make everyday a sunny day for you. Never will I ever hurt you again. You are the love of my life and no one else can make me love them as much as I love you. Don't give up on me and I will always be by your side no matter what. Love you always.

You just made my day wonderful

2009-01-06T06:07:00.002+08:00

Baby you just made my day a wonderful day. It has really been a long time since you told me you love me. You really made my day just by saying Love You. I love you too. muahahaha I'm just so in love with you.

unexpected

2009-01-05T21:41:00.002+08:00

This is really totally unexpected. Finally when i have given up all hope to get you back by my side you called me back. I wanted to give up as i felt that since you wanted me to give up so badly i guess it was better i just give up since it was what you wanted and i no longer wanted to be of a burden to you. It was really a lot for me to finally give up all hope. Just as i was about to move on to my new life which i dread to move on to without you, you suddenly called. You asked if i would like to have breakfast with you. At first i thought all this was too good to be true so i didn't want to go but somehow i just could not resist meeting you. It has been a long tome since you treated me so nice. I'm really sorry for making you cry this afternoon. Its was all just a misunderstanding and i acted that way because i was very scared of losing you again. I want you to know that you are my everything and everything about me was about you. I really hope it is the same for you as it is for me. I promise you that from now on i will not take you for granted and hope you will not take me for granted either. I guess miracles do happen. I also hope that this is not just a dream if it is i don't want to wake up from this dream. I want to sleep forever and live in this dream of mind cos i never want to leave you. You are the first girl that has me so in love with you before. I LOVE YOU.

The war is over

2009-01-04T16:55:00.003+08:00

I guess i have lost the war. I've lost everything that was dearest to me. I've lost you. Probably you right i should give up. You never had the intention of getting back together from the very start. I thought that maybe one day you might have a change of heart. Like you told me last time, "I'm not going to give up because i know one day you will change". I guess i was wrong but then again you still might be right. You did change, you changed into a totally new person soon to forget all our past. You've moved on from the person you used to be. Ever since that day i have been waiting the very exact spot you left. Days of waiting soon became a month. Time waits for no man. You've moved on a long time ago and i guess you are never coming back. So it also about time i have to move on too although i really wish to stay. It would be like waiting for a dead person to come back but this time it the old you that has died. A dead person once dead will forever be dead. I can cry for years over the death of you old self but its never coming back. I also believe if we ever get back together i will never be able to see the same happy smile you had while we were together like in the picture above. I guess this is what they meant by good things only come once, once missed forever gone. Well if its your way of making me appreciate you better i guess you've failed to do so but if its cos you wanted me to give up, i guess you certainly did a very good job. I will try my very best to let go of this hope a had in my two hands gripping it tightly not letting it go. Before i bid you my final good bye i want you to know that you were the best girl up till no and it will really be difficult for me to let you go but i will try my best. All those memories we had will always be in my heart. I still love you a lot but i hope this feeling of my will slowly fade away. Hope you are happy now.

Wonderful weekend

2009-01-04T14:24:00.002+08:00

Had a really wonderful weekend this week. Like to every end there is a new beginning. So the end of my week began with a great session of jamming with Andee, Alvin and NigelL. We played Teddy Picker by Arctic Monkeys. Great song with a very catchy beat to it. And if you haven't heard it before you should. I would not say it was a perfect run through cos i always forget the lyric once in a while but i have to say it was a very fun one. I really enjoyed myself. After that we went to catch a movie at leisure park. We watched Bedtime Stories. Was a meaningful movie too. To me the lesson learnt from the movie was that reality is harsh and always will be. It always brings us down but as writer of our own stories we will try to make it a story with a wonderful ending. O ya and Alvin lost his one of his drum sticks. So we ended our day after the movie and all headed home. Next day i didn't really did much except going for driving lessons was really great. For once i was more relax when driving i can change gear and start off smoothly too. Had to lessons in one day was really tiring but fun. Drove all the way to TP. After the lessons i just went home and sleep all the way till the next day which is today. Was really tired. Went for driving again at 8.30am this morning. And for the first time an instructor praised me. He said for the number of lessons i have attended, i was really good as i was able to drive smoothly and know when to apply engine break when ever required rather than always using the break pedal. Woooh felt really good. I would consider this week a really wonderful week however if could be better if i could spent more time with her. Its ok if she isn't free or that she is too tired to go out. Its alright to me. I don't really expect much from her anymore. I mean like i took all her kind thought and actions for granted last time so i guess i don't deserve any from her now. So i'm not really bothered by it. Love you my dearest.

Welcome 2009

2009-01-01T23:14:00.003+08:00

Went out with Alvin, Andee and NigelL for new year's eve. We went around shopping for Nigel's stuff. Next we went for a movie at suntec. Watched Yes Man. Was a really nice show with lots of meaning. It was a meaningful showed portrayed through romance and comedy. It really true that if you always say no to everything you are actually saying no to life therefore equates to not living. We should say yes whenever opportunities arises for us but this doesn't mean that we have to say yes to everything. We should only say yes because we want to and when its a right thing to do. I really wish i could be like Jim Carey's character in the movie. A person who is really fun to be with and never boring. If only i could be like that i would be able to make you smile everyday that we are together. Your smile is the greatest reward you can ever give me because it makes me happy too. After that we went to NigelY's house to accompany him for countdown. Like Christmas it wasn't any different. Just a simple gathering of friends. This time a little less grand. Nigel Yap just undergo some operation on his right foot so he is unable to go out. So he has asked us to go over to his place to count down with him. There were 4 of us in total. NigelY, Andee, Alvin and me. I know that i should not be saying this but i have to admit that it was very boring. I had actually wanted to stay at home i sleep away my new year celebrations. Especially because i was not able to celebrate with her. I don't know if she feels the same way but i have to definitely say i feel that we are really starting to drift apart because we hardly spent time together. The amount of time spent with one another gets less as the weeks goes on. I don't blame you my love i know that you're tired after work so you really need your rest so i won't pester you to go out. I've also stopped asking you out unless you told me you were free. So before i end this post i would like to wish all of you happy new year.

Eve of new years eve

2008-12-30T23:53:00.002+08:00

Its only another 24hrs and 7mins till next year. That is pretty soon. Time flies when you are having fun. My entire year was a fun ever since the first day I met her. She came into my life and made a great change to it. Now without her everything is just passing me so slowly. I hope the with the near year arriving it brings a long new hope for me. Hope I will carry out what I've written in my resolution for this near year rather than just making empty promises. I miss you my dear Yoshiko.

making changes

2008-12-28T23:39:00.002+08:00

I know I've not really been the best I could have been so I'm really trying make changes to myself. For today I tried to be a better son. I'm always so busy with all my stuff that i hardly ever eat with my dad. So today I decide that its time maybe we have a proper meal together. I gave him a call and we went to eat at Aston's the one close to my place. For some reason the food there was great better than all the other Aston's I've been to. I guess its because that is sort of the main branch which started out first. The meal was great should have it more often but my dad really need to learn how to dress up to the occasion. He always dress very sloppy. Really need to change for the better and become a better person. School will be starting tomorrow kinda dread school nowadays cos everything is like getting more boring as time goes on. Right now the only few things i look forward in life is to complete my studies and find a decent job in the future, spend time with Joe and hang out with gang. I really need to get better grades if I want to get into a local university. I don't wish to go overseas cos I know I cant bear to leave the one most dear to me alone in Singapore. I'm afraid that I might lose her if I do so. People always say that if its true love it will stand the test of time and distance but i feel that if a pair is so far apart for a long time slowly but surely will they will drift apart. Eventually leading to a break up. I don't want that to happen to us. So I really need to study hard to get to a local university.

The race

2008-12-27T17:50:00.003+08:00

Have you ever ran in a competition before and keep running but the finishing line just doesn't seem to be anywhere near? Your mind is telling you to go on but your body is just too weak to continue. You really want to push yourself but you just can't. I feel this way right now. I signed myself up for the race to win back Yoshiko's heart. I don't want to give up in this race because I know i can't give her up. I don't know if my body can go on any longer like this. I'm trying my best to win the race but i'm afraid my body will fail me. I don't want to lose this race. The finishing line may not be near but i know i will reach it if i really put my heart to it. So baby please be at the finishing line for me. I may be slow but please wait for me. I'm also very thankful for all the friends that i have that support me through the race. You guys are the best in the world.

It New year soon too and i've sort of came up with my new year's resolution. With 10 things to don in my list.
1. Treat Yoshiko better.
2. Learn how to control my temper. (Part of treating Yoshiko better)
3. Put in more effort in studies.
4. Improve on my guitar skills.
5. Try to put on more weight. (i'm way to small size alr)
6. Read more books.
7. Learn how to cook more stuff.
8. Exercise to keep fit. (Going NS soon)
9. Tidy up my room.
10. Learn how to save money.

So whats yours ?

Where to draw the line ?

2008-12-27T02:06:00.003+08:00

Baby I know I once told you that in life if you keep trying to make something happen and it just doesn't no matter how hard you try you should just give up. So I was thinking to myself how do I know if i should give up or not to. Where should the line be drawn? When should i give up? Then it suddenly came to me. Why can't it be the other way? If my love for you is so great that no matter how much you try to push me away I just won't give up then maybe you should stop trying to push me away. So with that in mind I will not give up my chase for you unless you tell me that its time that i should stop trying. I really hope that you will one day stop trying to push me away and accept me but i don't know if that is still called love. I hope it is cos i will always love you.

O yeah another thing really never expected i had more visitors to my blog than the usual people till Lester told me. So thanks for coming to my blog Leon and Sean. haha at least now i know its being visited by more people. haha

Christmas is over

2008-12-26T00:36:00.002+08:00

Christmas is over and all I have to say is that it has been a very boring Christmas this year. No Christmas dinner with my family nothing. Not even a single gift from them. Its super boring. I think this is the worst Christmas ever in my entire life. Maybe it was fun just a little when we went to Lester's house to count down and being able to meet up with Yoshiko before she goes to work. Other than that everything else was boring. i mean i would rather not have Christmas if it was so boring. I bet if Yoshiko was able to spent time with me it wouldn't be the most boring Christmas but sadly she has to work. Life just sucks without you by my side. I know you were there for me through it all. There for me when i fall. There for me to give me everything but i never knew how to cherish you. Now that i've lost you i truly know how much you mean to me and i really need you more than ever. I've learnt my lesson. I will cherish you more than ever from now on. I know that your scared to fall in love with me again but please give me a chance and i will change your fears into trust. I promise you i will not let you down ever again. Not ever till the day i die i will keep my words to take care of you and love you unconditionally. I will supprot all your decisions even if i don't like it. Support you through it all. I really love you so give me a chance when you are ready. Love you always.

everything is so messed up

2008-12-25T11:35:00.002+08:00

I hate myself because i messed everything up.

Christmas is coming

2008-12-24T00:42:00.004+08:00

Hey baby i know you're really busy with work this week but its Christmas soon so i really hope I can meet up with you. Just for 5minutes of your time before you go to work or something. Either Christmas eve or Christmas just have it before the 26th. I would just like to pass you a small gift i got you. If you see this post just give me a call to tell me when you would like to meet up. Or if you like i could just drop by your work place to pass it to you on Christmas itself. You just decide and tell me. We seem so apart. You hardly call or sms me anymore. I want to get closer to you. Its been 33days i don't know if i've made any progress or am I even further from where i started. I don't know. PS I LOVE YOU.

Its getting to me real bad.

2008-12-23T00:53:00.003+08:00

Went over to stay at Andee's place yesterday. Was feeling rather down so i didn't know what to do or go to so i just decided to go there to stay over. Had a nightmare too last night. It was really bad. Its getting to me real bad. From the inside out. I just not able to enjoy life the way i use to anymore. Everything seems so different. Went out with Ms Foo, Andee and Alvin today. Don't have any mood to write happen. Not because it was bad but i jus don't have the mood to.

Alcohol is bad

2008-12-21T15:38:00.002+08:00

Had a rather crazy night so I didn't have the time to blog about what happened yesterday night. It was Nigel's birthday so as usual on everyone's birthday we would drink to celebrate the occasion. This time we drank more than what we usually did. Usually for me because I'm not really a drinker, so when I mix my drinks I only 10% alcohol and 90% mixer. However this time I poured about twice of what I would usually do. I guess I wasn't the only one who was in the mood for celebration. All of us were. We all drank up like mad. Seriously it was the most that I've ever drank, as in not the number of cups but the amount of alcohol. We were all really high from the drinking. We were playing this game where you were not allowed to say certain words and do certain action so it was really kinda hard to talk. When you're high from drinking try to think what you want to say isn't as easy as it seems. HAHA. After the whole thing I had to go home because Yoshiko was coming over in the morning right after her work. The moment I stood up and wanted to left I felt this sudden urge to puke. So I immediately ran to to the toilet and puke. I puke my entire dinner including part of my lunch that was yet to be digested. When i came out from the toilet I saw Nigel started to fight with Alvin. LOL. I know this isn't something to laugh about but because the fight was rather comical too. But it ended with Alvin bleeding and Nigel really remorseful. So after that I left, Andee accompanied me as he felt it was unsafe for me to cross the road myself looking at the state I was in. So he waited for bus with me. Manage to catch the last bus. While waiting for bus I puked again. It totally felt like crap. When the bus finally came I boarded and went home. Upon alighting the bus I began to puke again. When i finally reached home which was about 12.40am I just laid on the floor of my room till about 2.40am. That's when I began to feel better again so I went to take a bath and waited for Yoshiko to come over. So that is all that happen yesterday. It was fun although I totally felt like crap.

Really tired

2008-12-20T05:24:00.001+08:00

Hey Guys if I do not join you all fro drinking tomorrow I'm really sorry. Its because I'm really tired. I got the day mixed up. I waited for Yoshiko to come over till now as you can tell from the time of the post. Baby I'm really sorry I got the time wrong please don't get mad at me. I really love you goodnight and sweet dreams. Hope to see you tomorrow then babe.

Giving you space

2008-12-18T23:37:00.002+08:00

Baby I know I've always been trying to tell you not to club and stuff but I thought of it after listening to the song Spotlight by Jennifer Hudson. As long as its true love and I treat you right no matter how many new guys you meet you will stay. So I'm going to let you do anything you wish not because i don't care anymore but because I trust you. I believe you won't do anything that will hurt yourself or me. I'm really glad I met you in this life. You should go listen to the song too maybe then you know what I mean. ... haha

I Try

2008-12-18T16:41:00.005+08:00

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Never give up

2008-12-17T23:36:00.004+08:00

Thanks for spending time with me today again. Really appreciate it a lot. Today we went to watch 2 movies. Bolt 3D and Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist. They were both great show. Although I've already watched Bolt 3D I'm watching it the second time to accompany Yoshiko watch. Come to think of it its the first time that I've actually watched the same show twice in a cinema. I usually won't cos I think that it will be a waste of money. I guess this is the power of love, it makes you do anything. Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist had a nice storyline to it. Its about this guy who just broke up with this girl and could not let go and this other girl who some how fell in love with him. Its a must watch show. To me it just as good as Juno love both movies. The best thing was that i could watch it with Yoshiko today. Recently I've also been thinking. In the past Yoshiko had been trying very hard to like get my attention and to truly win my heart. She never gave up. I remember she would say "I will not give up because I know one day you will really love me." I did love her but I guess I didn't love her with all my heart. She wanted me to love her whole heartedly. She never gave up and that day did come but sadly when that day came to pass, I had made situation between us so bad that she totally gave up on me. I'm so sorry baby I wish i had never done those things. Now that she has sort of given up its my turn to try get our relationship back up and going. I will never give up because you never gave up on me till the very last moment. I know that if i continue to try, one day I will win your heart back. I know that day will come but i don't know when just hope its soon. Another thing is that after watching Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist I also thought of some stuff. Like i know during the times that we were together we didn't really work out but we kept trying. We didn't want to let go and I sort of thought of the reason why i didn't want to let go. It is because the feelings I get when I'm with you is special. Its different from all the other girlfriends I had. Its something that I would like to have for the rest of my life. Its something that I can only get when I'm with you. So please don't leave me. Today we bought a handphone pouch together too. The two pouch had a picture that was connected. Mine was a guy playing a guitar and Yoshiko's is the one with a girl, who loves the guy, listening to the guy play the guitar. Really enjoyed the time spent with you. I just love every moment of it. ... haha
I want to hold you hands

Missing you

2008-12-17T00:11:00.003+08:00

Now every single day of my life, I only look forward to a few things. Firstly it a call from Yoshiko at around 6-7am in the morning. From then till like noon or late noon it would start to get really boring because she would be sleeping and I'm home all alone with nothing to do. So the next thing I look forward is to hang out with my friends if any of them are free because it kind of helps me keep my mind of most of the sad stuff and even if I'm sad at least I have someone to talk to. Then I would also look forward to her call again at about 5-6pm before she goes to work. And because she seems very busy at work she doesn't reply any of my sms so all i do is wait for her call again at about 10pm but today she didn't call. I wonder why? Must be really busy today. I really miss having her by my side. Everyday is the same thing over and over again. Wish I could spend more time with her but I know she is busy with work so I won't pester her to meet me and stuff everyday. So usually what I do during morning till late afternoon is that I will think of stuff to make Yoshiko happy. So for today because on the 14th which was our 10th month supposedly but cos we broke up i don't think its considered 10th month anymore. Even so we still met up. I know on that day the song I played for you was not very good so during most of the lonely mornings I spent alone i use the time to perfect the song for you. I don't know if its good enough for you but i did try my best so hope you like it. So here is the song I recorded. I know it still sucks a little so any of you listening to it please don't laugh at me.

I remember

2008-12-15T23:25:00.014+08:00

First of all Andee I'm sorry if like now a days I don't seem to be listening to what you are saying. I'm just thinking about stuff. I really have a lot on my mind at the moment. So sometimes you would have to repeat a few times before i really hear it.
I thinking of everything. Everything that I've done, everything that has happen, everything that might happen in the future to come, everything that I could do and should not do. In short I'm thinking about everything. Thinking about the past makes me happy whenever I think of the good times we had. Nowadays whenever I feel down and feel like giving up because it seems like everything I do isn't working I would think about the good times to keep me going on. It fuels my love for you. Thinking about it is not truly happy either because every single time I think about the things I've done, it make me regret. Remember the picture of the book above ? Its the book that we made to keep record of all the things we had done together. I manage to find it together with my other book. Hope you still remember the secret language we had "HNS". ... haha Browsing every single page of it makes me really happy. I know we quarrelled a lot while we were together but even when we were quarrelling I still love you as much as always. I know I always say a lot of mean things when we quarrelled. I really wish I could take back all those mean things I said. Can't wait for my birthday coming soon next year so I can wish for it to come true. I know its rather impossible but i'm still going to wish for it because its what i really want. I know i was really petty last time. You would never ever get angry at me for more than 10mins whereas for me i could get angry for the whole day. LOL I remembered once you cried cos i was angry and you wanted to make me cool down. It was at your house. I still remember it clearly. You never gave up on me, you would try everything to make me happy when i was angry. I love you for that. I remember we use to love to eat nuggets with sweet chilli but sadly they dont have sweet chilli anymore. We use to meet up everyday without fail. We met up so much that i even got scolded from my dad and i would always lie to you that my dad was scolding me for something eles so that you won't stop meeting me. I love meeting you everyday. Lester would always purposely ask me in front of you, "Buay sian ar ? everyday meet joe"( not bored ? everyday meet joe). I was never bored with you. Not a single moment. I also remember once I was jealous because you talk a lot with Lester. Haha I remember the pillow you gave me. You would spray a little of your perfume on it cos you knew I like the smell of it because it reminds me of you. I know now the pillow is gone nowhere to be found but I still remember it. I know I was the one who threw away the pillow. It will always remain in my heart. Do you still remember once you got really upset and you said that we should breakup because you were not good enough for me? It was outside Lido. Then I told you if you were not good enough for me and i didn't love you I would have left you long ago. The truth is I think I'm not good enough for you either. I always felt that i was not good enough for you and that i was a burden to you. Glad that you didn't feel that way. I really miss all those good times. Do you miss them? Thinking about the past isn't going to get me anywhere unless I do something about it now. So I've also been thinking of what i could do to make everything as good as the past. I try to think of surprises to make you happy. To see you happy is my greatest joy. Even if you said you wanted to leave me for another guy as long as I know that your happy I will be happy for you even if it really hurts me deep inside. I'm trying very hard to think of ways to make you happy but I'm really afraid I'm not good enough to make you happy. I know everything that I do for you now I'm trying my very best, so all I can do is to hope that it makes you happy. I also don't know what the future has installed for me. The only thing I can do is to think. Think of all the possibilities. However some of this thoughts make me very sad. Like what if I fail to win your heart back? How am I going to carry on without you? I really don't know. So many things on my mind. All I can say now is that do you remember? Becaues i do.
Went out with a Andee, Alvin and Nigel today. We went around town to look for nice clothes. I was the only one who bought something. I bought a pair of jeans from Levi's for 90bucks traded my old stussy jeans for 50bucks off. So that means it was 140bucks initially. Had lots of fun with them. Although my mind kept on drifting into thoughts about everything i still had lots of fun.
Do you remember?

Right in front of me

2008-12-15T00:35:00.004+08:00

Very first picture together.
All these while the person who loved me the most and gave me her all was right in front of me. She was there every time I needed her. I'm really glad God has let me met Yoshiko. Up till now, I still think that she is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. However during the times we were together I was blinded by i don't know what. I took you for granted but you were still there for me no matter what. But i guess we all are human and we have our limit. I made you go over your limit and you left me. Now I'm trying my very best to find my place with you once again. No matter what it take because i know a girl like you is never to come by ever again. You are unique. No one in this world can replace you cos no one is able to be like you. So I really want you to know that you are really special to me.
I know its has only been 23 days of trying to woo you back and I've already asked you to be my girlfriend again. I'm really sorry for asking. I know i should not rush you, but I'm really eager to be with you again. I know 23days of woo-ing you back isn't going to amend the 7 months. It takes more than that. I'm so sorry. Although you said that you're not ready yet I'm still not going to give up yet cos i know i can't. I'm really thankful that you were willing to spend the time with me today. Even though we didn't go out as suppose I'm still glad you came down to meet me. You are really the best indeed. I'm hanging on to this relationship at all cost. Love you always. By the way I'm going to post old pictures of us together to remind myself of all the good times we had when we were still together.

I remember

2008-12-14T00:50:00.003+08:00

Its the 14th of the month once again. Every 14th of the month used to be the day I would celebrate with Yoshiko our monthly anniversary. This month is slightly different because I screwed up everything. This is a day of the month I will never forget for my entire life. 14th is the first day we got together. It has always been in my heart. I know I've always try not to show like I care about it but the fact is I really do. Till now I still remember how I asked you to be my girlfriend. As you all can see the picture tells it all. I know you all must be thinking I did it in a really dumb way but i guess its was the best i could come out with. I know I've done a lot of things that have let you down and stuff, I've broken all my promises that I made to you but now that you are willing to give me another chance I will promise you I'm no longer the monster I use to be. I'm back to the sweet guy that you fell for in the very beginning. I will not go back to my old self because i don't want to lose you ever again. Thank you for meeting me tomorrow. I love you.
O and one more thing to my other readers i won't be able to update about Lester's birthday till Lester is back because all the pictures are still with him. He is currently in Malaysia so have wait till he gets back.

Happy Birthday Lester

2008-12-13T01:12:00.002+08:00

Really had lots of fun today. Although we spent quite a lot i still think its all worth it. Will fill you guys in with more details about what we did. I'm really happy to see you today baby. Its been more than 1 week since we last met. So i'm really glad to see you today. I'm gonna stop here for now cos i'm kind of tired already, Need to turn in for the night. Before I leave I would like to wish Lester a very happy birthday once again and do make use of the gift we gave you. Good night to all. Love you baby. :)

To see your smile

2008-12-11T23:20:00.004+08:00

Just got home from doing some minor shopping spree. Bought a jacket a polo Tee and a T-shirt. Spent a total of about $220 would have been more if Andee and me were not smart enough to try to think of ways to get more discount. Its rather complicating to explain how we did it so I'm not going to say how we did it but we just did. LOL But if you're really keen of knowing, if we ever meet face to face I will explain to you verbally it would be much easier. I think the jacket is really cool will post some picture of me wearing it when I have the time. Till then just sit back relax and wait.

Really can't wait for tomorrow. I will be going down to my baby's pub. Sorry Lester I know then main reason we're going there is to celebrate you birthday but still Yoshiko is more important. So you're like second in line. I mean don't feel sad cos no one comes before Yoshiko. Yoshiko is first priority to everything in my life. Yeah so don''t feel sad. Baby I really can't wait to see you again its been really quite some time since we had a meal together. I'm really happy that I can see you tomorrow so I hope you will be happy to see me too. I miss your smile. Everytime I meet you, I only have one thing on my mind and that is to know that you're happy and the only way I can know that you're happy is to see your smile. So baby smile for me.

So screwed up

2008-12-11T08:44:00.008+08:00

My stupid face
This is so screwed up ST just called and said they can't take me in for my attachment. Yesterday they just said I could be attached there and today change of mind ? Anyway i got no rights to get angry with them either. I don't own the company and neither do they owe me anything. I don't want to get angry too cos I know when I'm angry nothing good comes out of it. My anger, I believe was the main reason Yoshiko left me. When I'm angry I always say things that hurt her although i really don't mean it. I'm sorry baby. Words of anger is like a knife with two sharp edge. When you say words of anger it cuts the person and when you try to take it back it cuts the person too. What is left is wound so big it hurts badly. The more hurtful the words the larger the wound. This wounds would take very long to heal. Even after the wound heals it leaves a scar for life. This scar serves as a reminder to me not to do those hurtful things to you anymore at the same time every time i look at it, it make me regret all the things i've done to you. It really hurts me too and because i really love you I'm not just going to say i regret and all. I will prove it to you. Words alone cannot mend a broken heart, it takes more than words. So its more than words that I'm going to give you.
Counting the days till we get back together.

Sweet Monkeys

2008-12-10T23:57:00.005+08:00

Memories of us
Congrats to myself. I have passed my Final theory this means as long as i complete all the task required in the driving booklet i can take my Practical test which means i can get my driving lessons. This is total sweetness. Even at this point when everything seems to be doing well for me i still think of you my dear Yoshiko. Without you I'm still not complete. You are my other half, without you I'm just half. I'm still waiting for the day i can once again be together with you. Till then i can never be truly happy. I really wish to share this joy i have from passing this test. Lester's birthday we will be going down to the pub so i really hope to see you there then. We have not met in quite some time so i really we could at least meet once soon. I've not really been able to really know whats going on in your life but i hope you're doing well. I really care and wish to know how you're doing. If there is anything you need just tell me I'll do anything i can in order to help. I miss you badly so lets meet up soon. Tell me when you're free and we go out then.

Fluctuating luck

2008-12-10T13:01:00.002+08:00

Recently my luck has been kind of crazy. Lots of up and downs. The past 2 days have been full of bad luck. I didn't mention it here because I don't want you guys to think that I'm full of bad luck. However today is my lucky day so I'm going to tell you guys what happen. On Sunday i went to stay over at Andee's house. We went to eat dinner at the market together with Nigel at the market nearby. On our way, this is where it all began, the strap of the slipper broke. As a result a had to walk bare foot all the way back to Andee's house. This is so totally screwed up of all time what did it have to be now. The next day which was Monday we went for dinner together again. This time it occurred as we were going there. There was a slight drizzle and the floor was wet. And guess what i fell. This i really a appropriate time to say " It really got me off my feet." I was literally off my feet. I landed on my hip bone it hurts freaking bad and till now it still kind of hurt when i walk. Will go see a doctor soon when i have the time. OK enough of the bad new and here is the good news. Sadly it only good news to me because i don't know how it can affect anyone else other than me. The news is that I've been accepted by ST Aerospace for my attachment. That is so cool cos i will be able to work on real aircraft parts. The only alternate way to be able to have attachment which allows you to work on real aircraft parts is that you go to china. China doesn't even give you new parts to work on. They only provide you with scrape planes that are no longer in use. For my case i will be able to work on new stuff. This is so totally cool.

I will be going for my driving lesson later at 4.25pm which ends at 6.05pm after which i will be going to take my Final theory test at 6.45pm hope i pass and that this is not the end of my good luck. I will pass this test for you my baby.

thankful

2008-12-10T02:11:00.006+08:00

Thinking back at all the things you have done for me, I'm really thankful for every single one of them. If I were to mention all of them this post would be very long. I really don't understand why in the past I never appreciated anything you had done for me. I really don't know why. I wish I had an answer. I'm also thankful for what you have done to me now. You have woken me up to realise the monster that I had came to be. You were able to tame the monster in me. I really want us to get back together badly but if I really do lose you this time, I'm still very thankful for everything. Glad that I met you. You made my future wife a lucky person. I hope my future wife is still going to be you. You are the queen of my heart and no other girl can take your place.

My Final theory test is later today in about 16hrs time. Although i've studied for it like today and fews day back, i still don't have much clue about anything that i've read. I think i'm sure going to fail this test. I'm gonna make some last minute revisions though hopefull its enough. I'll try my best to pass the test and make you proud baby. If i do fail i'm sorry but still i will try my best.
I Love You with all my Heart

I'm rather confuse

2008-12-08T22:59:00.002+08:00

Does any one miss me while i was gone? I doubt so because people who would miss me were all spending time with me. So i believe no one misses me. HAHA I 'm currently a little confuse with some things. I love Yoshiko because she was the greatest girlfriend but right now she seems to have become a totally different person. I don't know if i'm loving the right person still. My mind and heart speaks a different voice. My mind tell me that the Yoshiko i love is no longer to exist but my heart tell me otherwise. My hearts tell me that you are the way you are because i've hurt you way too much. And one day if i can prove to you I've change you will come back. Right now i'm still following my heart because i believe that my heart has the right answer. If it wasn't for my heart i would not have got together with you and known what a great person you were. I believe my heart won't fail me this time either. I want you to know no matter what happens i will still be here waiting for you at the very same spot you left me. I will not move away from this spot till the day we get back together. No matter how long it take i'll still be here waiting for you.

I will never forsake you

2008-12-07T07:37:00.003+08:00

You are the Sun in the morning sky that brightens up my day.
You are the Stars in the night sky that watches over me when i sleep.
You are the Tune in my life that give my life a cheery tune.
You are the Air i breathe that gives me life.
You are the Fire in my heart that gives me warmth.
You are the Shoulder i want to cry on when I'm sad.
You are the Reason for everything I'm doing now.
You are the Girl i love and want to marry.
You are Everything I ever wanted.

I am sorry that the one i wrote on the back of the photo isn't that nice compared to this one. I hope you like it though. I'm really very happy that you like the surprise. The greatest event that can ever happen to me right now i think is that you tell me that you still love me and lets get back together. That would be the greatest thing but i know that would be rather impossible because I have hurt you way too much for you to just forgive me in such a short time. So right now your smile would be the next best thing you could ever give me. And I'm really so happy to see the smile on your face when you received the Spongebob bag. Your smile lets me know that what I have done was worth every single bit of effort. However i still hope that one day you will once again open yourself for me to come back.

Right now I really don't know what you are doing now. You seem to talk to me for one moment and the next moment you will just disappear without a trace. Maybe you are just sleeping i don't know. Please don't do that to me again will you? If you wish to be alone for a while i will let you be as long as you tell me i will know and understand. I'm not forcing you to say you love me and get back to me now. I just wish you will let me know what is going on. I don't care if you still love me or not right now i just want you to be happy because i really love you.

I would like to thank Andee for accompanying me to buy the gifts for Yoshiko Joe you are a great friend. I couldn't ask for more. Thank you

By the way the photo up there is my favorite photo of us when we were together. Remember when we first printed our first set of photo together each of us took a photo to keep in our wallet. That was the photo i chose to put in my wallet. Hope you still remember.

Missing you

2008-12-06T08:56:00.003+08:00

Really looking forward to be able to meet you again really soon. ... haha I know we have only not met for like just one day but i'm really starting to miss you. Right now even when i'm having fun with my friends i still think of you and wonder how are you doing at work. I'm looking forward to my attachment but i know i'm really gonna dread it. Firstly i will be like working from morning till evening. So i guess you know what that means, I won't be able to meet you anymore except on weekends which i don't think there will be any work. After you knock off from work i have to go work and when i knock off you will have to go for work. I'm really scared because of it we might drift apart really badly that i will never have a chance to once again make you mine. I don't know if i'm just worrying too much or what but still i think its an issue to me. I'm sorry for disturbing you from sleep yesterday. You said we'll have lunch and meet at 12 so i went over to your place to wait first. I waited for you at your void deck from 1130am till about 107pm but in the end we still never met cos you didn't want to. I'm really ok with it already i just want to see you happy no matter what it take. I know as onlg as i try hard enough and long enough will day you will just accept me again. And even if that day never comes i'll still be glad that i met you in my this life time. You really thought me a lot. Lester has always been scolding me for my attitude problem even before we even met but i never changed but you made me change. For the first time i've found a reason to change. Right now the only song i can think of which describe how i feel about the person had become while we were together is The Reason by Hoobastank.
That I just want you to know.
I've found a reason for me.
To change who i used to be.
A reason to start over new.
And the reason is you.
You are the reason for all my changes that i'm making an effort to do now although i know its kind of late but i hope its still better late than never. Everything i'm doing now is worth it because you are the reason.

Went over to Andee's place to discuss with all the rest how are we goin to organise the party. After the mini discussion we had drinking game Vodka mixed with green tea and for the first time i was able to drink more than what i've ever drank. I drank about 5-6 glass and my entire body was like painted red. Themost red i've ever seen myself get from drinking and i was able to remain sober will try to slowly increase the amount i can drink so one day i go drink with you... haha

Really missing you.

I'm so in love with you

2008-12-05T03:58:00.002+08:00

Just finish study. Hope i don't forget everything that i've just revised now. You must be thinking that i'm very hard working but you're wrong. LOL i had the whole day to revise but i only startd revision at 2am likt that ... lol really try hard not to miss you while i'm studying and you seem really busy at work so i don't wanna disturb you at work so all i can do was to put pictures we took together quite some time back as my wallpaper. I guess is all a reverse cycle now what ever you did for me and things you were going through it like happening for me. I now understand how you felt last time. haha You will always be in my heart till the end of time.

Hope that you are happy

2008-12-04T19:25:00.002+08:00

Really hope that these flowers will be able to make your day wonderful. I really want you to happy cos when i see you happy it makes me happy. Thank god i'm still the first guy to give you flowers. I know you have always wanted a guy to get you flowers and as a boyfriend i was so dumb and stupid for not giving you any flowers during the times we were together at least i'm not to late to be the first guy to give you flowers. This isn't much but i i just hope you are happy to recieve although you were like still very tired and didn't really showed any expression i hope you like it. I don't know if you find it nice but i this was the best i could find. So please enjoy it cos i will be really happy if i know you like it. haha oh ya another thing thanks for leting me spend time with you today. Every moment i spend with you is quality time.

i'm sorry

2008-12-04T09:54:00.002+08:00

I'm really sorry for all the trouble that i have cause all of you. Lester and Pam i'm really sorry for what happen i shouldn't have gotten you involved in the first place. I guess i was to emotional and you guys didn't want to to see me such a state so you helped me. I guess i will have to do this on my own. Its my future at stake now so i guess its my own responsibility to win her back by my own. I greatly appreciated your support. And lester i'm really sorry if you misunderstood my tone the other time. I sincerely appreciated your help but if Yoshiko is irritated by it i guess you can't help either but to jus watch and see. I'm really thankful for everything you have done for me too. And since i'm making an apology here i think i might just as well apologise to you lester for showing so much crap attitude over the past few months. I finally see my true self thanks to Yoshiko so i won't continue the way i was back then and i will not want to revert back to my old ways. For any other unhappiness that i've caused all of you can put the blame on me. So from now on everybody please don't help me but insted jus support me i guess. As long as it doesn't irritated my precious baby.

I love everyone

2008-12-04T06:54:00.003+08:00

I love Yoshiko, Andee, Lester, Nigel, Aunty Jess and all my other friends. You are really the best people in the world to me. You guys were there to cheer me up when i'm down, give me motivation. In short to help me to pick myself up and carry on with what i have to do. I know this whole week i've been saying i really wan to win back her heart and stuff and i was really emotional going through a bit of depression. This depression is not helping me win back its making it worst. What i really got to do now is to really pick myself up and continue to woo her we a happy state of mind. If i'm depress i will indirectly make her feel unwilling to get back together. And if she ever were to get back with me while i'm having depression it's most likely that its because of sympathy. I don't want that to be the reason.I want love to be the only reason why she is coming back to me. So right now i've picked myself back up although i still fall back down once in a while but i'm certainly not going to stay down there for long. The next step for me is to show her that she really means a lot to me and that i really love rather than just keep saying. Like a common saying no actions talk on (NATO). And baby i know i've really been pressurizing you to keep staying on given such a short time of amendments i've made. I really should not expect you to just forgive me just by begging you for 1 week. 7days isn't going to amend for the 7mths of hurt and heart aches that i've caused you. And thanks to Andee i've have found the answer to one of the questions running on my mind. Will you be better of without me? The answer lies with me because better can be defined by me. If she would be better off without me, i would have to try harder to make it even better with me. So in short i can make her better off with me as long as i try. So i will make her better off with me because i love her and i want to be together with her. I mean for the rest of my life. I know i had said those nasty words "We will never get married and we will not have children." but those were all words of anger. And if you know me well and i believe you do you would know that i didn't mean a single word i said. I really got a temper and attitude problem. I can't seem to control myself when i'm piss and i get piss way to easily. I know i should not have said those words from the start. All that i can do now is to prove to you i didn't mean it. You have always been my dream wife. ... And i really mean it. Another thing that happen at andee's house was that i actually won a CD hamper form 987FM... haha heres the recording of what the conversation with Shan Wee was like... i know it sounds very funny and i made myself sound like a fool but its all because i was excited and nervous at the same time... haha heres the recording.. haha notice lester's lag time in the congrats... lol

I don't know

2008-12-03T07:25:00.002+08:00

Right now there are really a lot of things on my mind. I wish i had an answer or reason to all this. My mind seems to really worn out and i can't really think properly either. I don't know if by trying to woo back Yoshiko is it being very selfish of me? What was i thinking the last time when i just left and went home without her? Is this really the end? Do i still have a chance? Am I lying to myself? Is this all just false hope? Will I be able to face reality if i were to ever fail to win back your heart? Does she still love me? Is it too late? although every keeps saying better late than never. Will you be happy with me or better off without me? Why do i want to do all this to make you happy? Are you happy? Do you still want to be together? So many questions but no answers. What can i do then to find all this answer? Another question. Questions to life is always never ending. In the bible it was once said by God in Matthew 7:7 " Ask and it will be given unto you; Seek and you shall find: Knock and it shall be open for you." Am i looking for my answers in the wrong place? The only thing that i know of is that i'm very happy right now at this point of time cos i know you have given me a new chance. And i know i'm doing all this because i know i love you. Right now anything else doesn't matter. All that matters is you. I don't know if you still love me, i don't know if i will fail i don't know everything but i still goin to woo your heart back because i love you. In my heart there will always be you. Right now i'm really finding my way through life and a way back into your heart to relit that fire that is still burning inside. Make it burn.

A new battle

2008-12-02T18:19:00.005+08:00

I'm glad that you have given me this chance to try win your heart and to prove to you that i'm worth it. Wenny i don't know if you do come to my blog and read but if you do i just want to ask you if we could start afresh too. I know right now you have a really bad impression of me so i really wish to change that if you are willing to give me a second chance. I will prove to you that i'm no longer that jerk i use to be. I will not let this chance go to waste so yeah i will be going all out and even after I've won your heart over i will still give you 100% of my love if not more. Things are starting to look like its changing for the better for now but whats further ahead is still very wary to me. It really blury right now. I don't even know if i will succeed in winning you heart but still i will try no matter what it takes. And all you guys reading my blog whoever you are please stop pestering Yoshiko. If she ever wants to stop giving me a chance because of you I'm gonna hunt you down and kill you. Had 2 test for today i don't think i did very well for either paper. The 1st paper i made several careless mistakes resulting in quite some marks lost. For the second test it was computerise so i was able to know the marks immediately. I got 28/40 not really bad if you just look at my mark. Thats what i thought at first until i started to compare my marks with other people i stand no where. I really don't know what wrong with me now adays i just can't seem to be able to do anything right but i'm still trying. Look and the bright side i got a chance to win back the heart of the girl who means everything to me. Oh yeah one more thing i would like to share with everyone relationships are like springs. When you try to get the person to love you more they tend to push you away more.(compress) You try really hard to get close that some times the spring just shoots out. (lose everything) When you try to push the person away the person will wan to come back.(stretch) After some time if you keep pushing the person away like the spring it just never comes back. In a relationship there must always be the right amount of tension. Hope you guys get what i mean. And baby i really want to let you know that all those mean things that i said to you like we'll never get married and stuff were all words of anger. I really got to learn how to manage my anger. Next time if i ever get angry remind me to count to 10 before i ever say anything... haha i don't wish to say anything that might hurt you ever again. And please know i always wanted to marry you and have children with you. Every time i see little girls i would think of you being the mother of my daughter. haha What a wonderful sight and even up till now that dream of mine is still the same and will never cos you really got me hooked on to you. Before i end this post i would like to say i love you Yoshiko, B.F.L and everyone else who tried to help me in one way or another although some of you made it worst. "I not going say who is it but i think you know who you are... somebody is gonna get a hurt real bad" a quote from Russel Peter ... lol

I'm not going to give up

2008-12-02T01:01:00.004+08:00

I know i have always been running away from all my problems avoiding them if i could but this time i not going to run. I will face it straight in the face and not admit defeat even if it cost me my life. I will fight till my very end. I can't give this up, you are way too precious. I'm not trying to get all emotional and stuff here but i just want you know i will not give. I love you so badly that i just can't give up. :) Nothing is going to change my love for you. I don't care what others say or think about me but I'm still not going to give up. Even though there are more than one of you who thinks i won't be able to make it, I'm still going to give it a shot cos this time i don't want to admit defeat without putting up a fight. I'm not going to run anymore not this time.

STOP IT PLEASE

2008-12-01T22:59:00.001+08:00

I know you all don't wan to see me get hurt but please stop calling Yoshiko to scold her or lecture her. It making matters worst fro me. She finds it very irritating and really hates it. Please stop it. I know you guys care but i really love her and don't want to lose her anymore so please don't bother her anymore. I don't want her to get piss and leave me because of it. Please i beg you all to stop. thank you

You didn't have to but you did

2008-12-01T15:18:00.005+08:00

I'm really sorry my dearest but i saw some photos of you with other guys i hope they were just friends and not more than that. I remember you told me you can't make yourself love to guys at the same time. So I will trust you on whatever you say but please to not abuse this trust i have for you. It hurts me a lot but I'm going to try let it go since i love you a lot. Thanks a lot for all you cares and concern for me my friends. Some of you support me in going while others say that I'm lying to myself. I just hope that all of you will support me. I know you all do not wish to see me hurt and so sad all the time. Thanks but i really got to do this. Yoshiko is the best person that i have ever met but i did not cherish her. Now is my one last chance to prove my worth to her that it will be worthwhile to stick together. If i fail i have no one to blame but myself but at least i know i tried my best to win back the heart of my true love. I don't want to live in regret knowing that i never tried and seeing her with some other guy. I really love her so i think i can't let that happen unless i know I've tried. I'm every bit deserving to what I'm going through right now. So please guys don't stop me it hurts me badly to know that you don't support me. Baby I'm really sorry for not support you through everything but now i know how its feels when no one supports you. I hope all that you are doing now is just a lesson for me to understand i was towards you and not because you don't love me anymore. I'm going to tell the whole world now all the bad things I've done to get where I'm now. If anyone of you hates me after reading this i wont blame you. At around the third month of our relationship i cheated on you with her girl i met online. Worst thing was that i still lied to you that we were friends. You covered up for me telling all your friends that we got into a quarrel because you were jealous with me talking to other girls. You could have left me at that point of time but you didn't. I was not a single bit deserving for the grace you had shown me. Throughout the whole relationship i had also treated you with no respect. Whenever we would quarrel i would get so piss and ask you to get lost. I was very rude and a total jerk. And when you left i wasn't there to call you back. I know I've hurt you very badly. You did not gave up on this relationship despite what i had done. You would still come back to me when i cooled down and call you back. You could have just left me but you didn't. Once because i had to wait for you to meet me for quite some time that i got piss and just left without you. I was totally dumb you were not late but instead i was very early. I had not thought with my brains at that point of time. I'm really sorry. Even if you were late i should not have left. As a guy it is always right to wait for a girl no matter what. You were my girlfriend and i didn't wait at all. You could have left me at that point of time again but you didn't instead you forgive me. And during the rough times you were going through when you were on the verge of dropping out of school. I had not given you enough attention like i should have. Whenever you call i would answer your call as if you didn't mean anything to me but the truth is that you meant everything to me. I should have support you through your lowest moments of life but i didn't. Lastly the 19th of Nov the turning point of our relationship. We were suppose to meet up but instead i did not call you or anything and just went home without you. You got so piss that you totally gave up. I'm sorry for testing you patience once and again till you really snap. I know that this is a turning point in our relationship but i really hope its not the point of no return. I believe that you still have feeling for me. So please don't let go. You did everything for me even though i don't deserve it instead i did the meanest things to you and was not there when you needed me the most. I did not give you what you deserve. I was a total retard at that point of time but now i see. I've have come to see that you are the most important person to me in this lifetime. If i ever do fail to win your heart back this lifetime i promise you will not give up but try again the next life. I believe now i have lost quite a number of friends along the way. I'm sorry to all my friends i know I'm a real disappointment to all of you. Hate me if you want to i won't blame you for doing so cos i deserve it. I'm a total screw up but please give me this one last chance to amend for all the wrongs i have done especially to you Yoshiko my most beloved girlfriend. I know you still love me so please don't let this fire die.

I hope that this pictures will remind you of the good times we had before i ruined everything that we ever had. I'am really sorry

Loney December

2008-12-01T02:54:00.002+08:00

Its finally that time of the year again. Yeah it once again December. The time of year which is suppose to be the most joyous period. Sadly for me i don't think i can celebrate till my hearts content this year. It would certainly be the hardest thing to do. that because I will not be able to celebrate Christmas with the girl that i truly love. Thinking back at the old times we had together i remember you said that we would celebrate all the important occasions together. Every single one of them. But sadly i don't think its gonna happen this Christmas thats cos you will be working. I really hate myself leaving that Friday. I should not have went home without you. i really wish i can go back in time to change my actions. However i don't that is possible. The only think i can do now is think of how i can make it up to you for every single wrong action i had done. I really want to make it up to you but i really don't know how to. I really hate myself. I would do anything to be able to celebrate Christmas with you

desperate

2008-11-30T08:51:00.002+08:00

I'm desperate for solutions. Answers to all the question i don't know, answers to life. Although we still meet up now once in a while when you're free you are still rather cold towards me sometimes. You hardly reply my sms. I have to apply for my industrial trainning programme by the 4th of dec if i want to go for the overseas ITP, but looking at how we are now really makes me reluctant to leave you. Our relationship is like sitting on the fence. I really wish to go to this OITP but its gonna be for 2 whole month. I will miss you a lot during the period of time and my mind will keep getting wild thoughts of you finding a new guy. I don't know why but its just natural for me. With this kind of situation how can i bear to leave. What should i do ? i really dont know what i should do right now. One is the girl i love so dearly the other is a trip to china. And right now i really dont know what i could do to make you love me as much as you use to in the past. All those happy moments we had, i miss them all. I really wish we could go back to those old times. But right now the most important to me is how to win your heart back. I really don't know if you're staying with me now because you find that i very irritating for calling on and on to get you back that you gave in or was it cos you wanted it yourself because you still had feelings for me. I really don't know. I really wish to know the answer from you but i'm very scared its the answer that i do not wish to hear but sometimes the truth hurts. Just hope that its not this time.
I will love till the end of time

Promises

2008-11-29T11:19:00.003+08:00

From this day forth i will promise you that will stay true to you and will always show love and affection toward you unconditionally.You are the one i want to marry when i'm older. You are the person i want to see every morning when i wake up.You are the person i want to come home to every night. You are the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. You are everything i want. I want to marry you in the future to come. You may not be the hottest girl in the world, you may not be perfect but what you have inside is way more valuable than anything in this world to me.
I LOVE You

Filled with disappointment

2008-11-28T18:09:00.003+08:00

Really disappointed today. Firstly today i went for driving lesson and i ended the lesson with nothing completed. I'm really disappointed. Went driving around the the outside of the driving circuit on the public road. 100mins of poor progress. Secondly my dearest doesn't want to come over to my house to stay over aft work. I really miss having her over at my place. Its been a long time since she stayed over. I really miss hugging her to slp and waking up to open my eyes and to see her face first thing in the morning. I really miss it a lot. I'm sorry i didn't meant to make you angry. I just wanted to spend more time with you. Its really been a long time since we had a long day together.
I'm so SORRY

100% done

2008-11-27T23:35:00.002+08:00

Alrighty, my blog skin and template is now finally done. Its a new background with domo-kun as the theme. A music jukebox on the top right corner which i will change the song every once in a while. Hope you all will enjoy it. :)

Making good progress

2008-11-27T19:27:00.004+08:00

So far so good. I made some progress in trying to win her heart back. I'm really glade that she was willing to go out with me today can't wait till the next time we meet again. We went for lunch at cathay and a movie too. We watched Madagascar 2.

Its really funny. all the characters of the show were really cute. I like king Julien, Mort and alex in baby form. All of them were really cute and funny. Anyone who has not watched this show go watch it. If you don't have money to go to the cinema download although not adviced to but its definitely a must watch. Life is full of ups and downs so lets talk about the down side now. The down side is that i'll be having all my mid semester test next monday to friday. Its gonna be a killer week but i'm gonna make it thru. And another thing is that i think i'm gonna change my driving lesson from sch to private. I have a friend who only spent about 700+ bucks including test to complete his license and i have paid more than 500 and i've got nothing. So i will go check out more from him and go get my license asap for a much lower price.

cherish or regret

2008-11-26T18:49:00.016+08:00

Many a time, we human beings to not know how to cherish waht we have. We always take everything we have for granted. Be it all your possesions, all the people around you or your loved ones. For my case it my beloved girlfriend. All this while i had taken my girlfriend. I took her kind thought and actions of love for granted. I never knew you could mean so much to me but now i know. It is a little to late though. You no longer treat me the same way you use to do. You would always call me to check on what i'm doing, always eager to meet me everyday after school. But now all has change. I went down wanting to eat with you for lunch. I had brought food for you to your door step but only to get you piss and a scolding from you. I'm sorry to make you angry. I didn't want to make you piss again so i waited for your call. I waited since 12pm but you did not call me so i decide to call you but you don't seem a bit delighted to hear my voice at all. I don't know how much longer i can carry on like this. It really hurts me the way you are treating me. Cold and distant. But i will not give up so easily cos i know i really love you and you mean everything in the world to me and i can't bear to lose you anymore. Hope what i have will be enought to win you heart once again. Its been more than one week since we last met and i really miss you. i can't stand this torture its really killing me from the inside. I really live in regret and if i ever were to lose again i will live my entire life in regret.

back to blogging

2008-11-23T16:10:00.002+08:00

I'll be blogging once again. Not that i really like to blog but i'm jus blogging to keep myself occupied with things to do so i won't keep thinking abt some stuff i do wish to let it be bygones. So yeah i hope by blogging it will help me forget abt all this stuff. i will be doing some minor edits to the blog too like removing the tag section asi believe no one comes her so what for have a tag section when no one comes to tag.first i will change the skin of this blog for a start.

These photograph

2008-09-26T17:00:00.001+08:00

And these photographs keep me alive.

Babe, here's your song.
Babe, it took too long
To find in your eyes
My best surprise.

Another wasted holiday

2008-09-24T12:17:00.002+08:00

This whole holidays is no different from any of the other holidays i had. Slacking at home using the com and rotting. been mapling for the pass 3 weeks of my holiday. i'm still left with like another 3 weeks plus to go b4 i have to go back to sch ... got to really work hard for the next sem if i really wanna get a gpa of 3.5 and above. lucky poly isn't like normal sec sch where even during holidays you gotta keep in touch with your syllabus. Every sem we learn new things yeah so we can jus take our minds of anything related to studies during holidays ... haha

pics of the driving theory results

2008-09-23T10:24:00.004+08:00

look at he time 1157 thats the printed timng and the test started at 1145 that means i only took 12mins to complete the test.. lol

i can now take my driving lesson with this

News on the fence

2008-09-20T14:19:00.002+08:00

I believe anyone who still comes to view must be wondering if i pass or fail my Driving Basic theory. (if there is any readers which i doubt so) The answer to that question would be yes. I passed my theory jus by studying for it the night before the paper. Amazing huh ? I finished my paper rather early and was a little unsure if i should leave the class. I was like the first to finish the whole thing so it would really be embarrassing if i would be the first to leave and fail. Every would be like " See thing very smart do the test so fast in the end fail " in their minds i know it. Another fact for the day is that i'm no longer attached. If you still dont get the message i'm saying that i'm single and available. Hmmmm abt the second part i guess mayb not so soon. I don't know if in the near future i'll regret doing this but for now i certainly don't. Life still has to go on as usual. Just that my daily activities would have i slight change. Thats something i might have to get use to as we have been together for about 7mth plus so yeah i gotta get use to live without her.

WTF results.

2008-09-17T02:53:00.003+08:00

The worst results in my entire life. This is totally crap .

Singapore Polytechnic 2008/2009 S1 Examination Results
Student ID: 071xxxx Name: LIM JUN JIE DALTON
Module Code - Credit Unit - Grade
---------------------------------
MM2504 - 4 -B
BA012B - 2 -B
MM2021 - 4 -B
MS6221 - 3 - B+
MM2206 - 3 - C
MM2308 - 4 - C
LC0503 - 2 - C+
MM2514 - 4 - C+
SEMESTER GPA: 2.673
CUMULATIVE GPA: 3.32
ALLOWED TO CONTINUE IN THE COURSE

WTF is this man this is totally crap results. I seriously cant let my dad see this rubbish he is sure to scold the crap out of me. I really dont know what to say if he asks abt my result. I wil jus keep quiet abt it. I really got to work much harder next sem or i'm in for real deep shit.

Big days up ahead

2008-09-15T10:45:00.002+08:00

I'll be having some rather important stuff coming up in like 2 day.
1st. Results
2nd Driving theory paper
I dont really dare to expect much from my up coming results but what to do the results are fixed and cant be changed. The only thing i can do is to do better for the next sem. Lets all just hope that the results would be rather appealing to the eye. Next my driving theory paper. its like 2 days away and i dont know a single shit .... i would sort of be wasting my money away haiz will go study for it later. But i not really keen in learning how to drive now. I dont come from a rich family how the fuck i'm i supose to get a car till i'm like in my 20s and working. Till then the stupid license would be a waste of money. By then my driving would oso be like crap cos i would not be able to practise driving. Lets say i fail this test then i'm not gonna go again till i know i can afford a car. Maybe if the license was to fly a plane i would sure go for it. Over and over again till i get it right... haha

Everything has its reason

2008-09-12T00:56:00.003+08:00

As you all can see the blog skin is back to it old skin it has its reason but i shall not talk abt it. Sorry all i wont be goin to sentosa. Sorry for not going to sentosa with you guys. Hope you guys will understand why i'm not going. And if you know or do not know the reason please do not come and ask or talk to me abt it. I do not wish to talk about it. So ya dont talk to me abt it and please please do not call and ask yoshiko and ask anything too. Thats all for this post. Oh ya and dont call me till like next week pls i wont answer your call i really need to get some things settled. Thanks a lot.

Busy playing ... lol

2008-09-08T11:55:00.004+08:00

This whole holiday haven't really been doin much. all i ever did was to play maple ... lol jus created a new char so all i'm doin now a days is to quickily level the character. Come to think of it the last time i left my house to go out was like friday. Going out to eat not included. I'm really addicted to maplestory although i believe a lot of ppl will find it a very childish game. Nah i dont care i jus play what i feel like and want to ... haha

Here is a pisture of my retarded looking avatar ... haha

holidays

2008-09-03T11:38:00.002+08:00

Just wasted another 24hrs of my life doing nothing but playing with the computer. What else is there to do when i'm such a lazy person... haha i really hate to work. working sucks except for the money. Money nvr sucks cos it is nvr enough. Shall do nothing but sleep eat play and go out this whole holidays ... haha enjoy your youth while you still can... haha

Back from the Grave

2008-09-01T19:56:00.002+08:00

This blog is finally back from its grave. It has really been a long time since i last blog. Approx. 5mth since the last post. I decide to continue blogging since its the holidays and i've got notthing much to do anyway. Hope all those who are viewing my blog now would find that the new skin is nice. The border of the blog tends to differ from computer as different computers has different resolution. Anyway hope you enjoy viewing the new skin and all.
Hope it doesn't die again. LOL

finally done

2008-03-04T07:18:00.003+08:00

finally finish posting all my past post ... lol was really lazy to post them all cos there were like so many things to post and i was really lazy to think what happened over the past few days ... haha but now finally its done ... haha woke up rather early cos i had been sleeping ytd so i'm really not tired anymore ... haha jus had an argument with her ... haha but its over ... haha manage to solve it ... haha solve it sounds like a wrong word ... lol whatever the word is i dont care ... lol anyway its over ... haha and i love her even more
Its through all this we learn to love each other more
I love You

leap year spent playin pool and mahjong

2008-03-01T06:57:00.002+08:00

went to pick her from her to meet her to eat dinner ... haha then lester called to asked me out to play pool ... and cos i was with her at that point of time i could not jus leave her and let her go home alone just like that ... so i had to device a plan where both party would be satisfied .... haha ... so i was like tellin lester that we go play after i sent her home but by the time i do so it would be really late and stuff so we sort of canceled the plan cos andee didn't wanna cab home as it would be a waste of money since now the cab fare is so so high ... haha but later i came up with a new plan ... lol man i'm full of crap ... haha i seriously the kind that will try all means to get something i wan and cos i could tell that lester was feeling rather down from the lost of his beloved granny ... i felt that as a fren the best thing i could do was to accompany him ... haha so the next plan i came up with was to sent her till like half way the journey which was paya lebar then go play pool then ask her to meet us there so she could go home get her clothes to come over to stay at my place but dumb me i was to kan chiong i stopped at kembangan which was 2 stops before paya lebar ... zzz and she didn't even realize i went off the wrg stop ... haha so we went to play pool then half way i went to pick her from the bus inter-change after pool we went to lester's hse to play mahjong ... or should i say i followed them .... zzz cos i dont play mahjong ... lol they played blah blah blah ... but later joey started to talk a little "too much" towards my gf i started to get very pissed .. too much as in not showing respect and stuff and not a lot ... lol haiz anyway its over forget abt it ... haha

birthday ... 1 year older

2008-02-26T06:14:00.001+08:00

finally i'm 1 year older ... haha i can finally go get my driving license yay ... haha but sadly i dont have the money to do so haiz its was the 25th of feb which was the eve of my birthday and i wanted to spend it with her and cos it was the first day of her attachment i wanted to surprise her by waiting for her to knock off from her shift ... haha it didn't really surprise her ... cos the plan sort of had some problems ... haha a phone batt was goin to run flat and that cos there were 2 diff exit so i didn't know where to wait so if i waited at the wrong exit and her phone ran out of batt i would probably have to wait there and find out that she had alr reached home ... lol so i asked her to meet me at the taxi stand ... haha we went to east coast to spend the night however we failed to do so ... haha cos jus after 1 bottle of brezzers i sort of need to go to sleep ... man i really can hold my liquor like i used to ... haha so i brought her over to my place ... it the first time i had ever brought a gal home ... haha ... zzz cos i don't dare not that i will have sex and stuff but cos i was too ashamed to let any gal to see my unsightly pile of clutter dating back from the early prehistoric period ... haha but i cleared all the mess the next morning before we went out ... haha now it looks so much neater ... haha i wonder how long can this last ... lol

really tired

2008-02-23T06:07:00.002+08:00

although i had slept for nearly 24hrs alr i still feel really tired from thoning out watching the 2 movies ... lol had planned to meet her today but because i was really tired i sort of canceled it but when i heard the sadness in her voice i decided to go out with her even if i was tired ... haha then we went to town to catch jumper ... haha the cg and stuff were good but it really lack a good story line ... haha so on an overall the movie sucks

movie and more movies

2008-02-22T05:29:00.001+08:00

as usual i went out with her again ... haha this time we went to watch leap year ... we watch a late night movie so we had lots of time to spare before the movie ... haha so cos we didn't know what to do so we went to take bus that went one round in the same route ... haha we then took bus 36 that went to airport and back to town ... haha we had a lot of fun on the bus except for this asshole guy who scolded us stupid just maybe cos we were a little noisy then i stared at him a little b4 we alighted then that freakin ass pointed the middle finger at me ... i swear i wanted to give him a punch him right in the face there even when i knew i would probably get whacked cos i don't know how to fight and stuff ... lol but i was really freaking pissed that i wanted to whack his damn head off his neck ... after that we went to catch our movie it ended at abt 2 if i rmb correctly so we didn't have anything to do as all the shops were close and all ... we walked to the bean curd store which was rather nearby to find out that it was closed i had expected it to open like till very late cos i remember the last time i came rather late it was still open... so we then walked backed to cathay to see if would catch another movie and we did ... we watched L change the world and it was in the cinema Grand which was the biggest and it was indeed really big it was very nice too ... haha aft the movie we cab home each goin diff ways wanted to send her home but could not as i had to go out with my mom in the afternoon so i need to go home quick to catch some sleep ... haha soory for not being able to send you home

nothing much

2008-02-21T23:56:00.003+08:00

There wasn't anything much for the day except that i went out with my gf to collect her phone from the service center ... aft which we went to eat dinner a macs at shaw tower ... haha i ate 16 piece of chicken nuggets... oh it was so shiok ... haha i told her i love nuggets more than her but it was a joke only but i think i should not have said it even if it was a joke ... sorry
I Love YOU More than Anything

man i'm hot in black

2008-02-18T23:30:00.002+08:00

Tuition was cancelled so instead of having dinner with her i had lunch with her. We went to eat fish ball noodles at food republic... it was nice. Next we went to Wheelock to get her phone sent for repair ... haha the queue was rather long.. after that we went to buy black dye and some other stuff ... haha sent her home aft that and went home straight after that. Dye my home once i was home and man i'm sure satisfied with my hair being back black ... man i think i'm hot in black ... haha black is my colour.. she is probably resting now cos she is tired and need to study later for tml's paper ... will be meeting her again tml going to get tics for movie under under the stars on fri ... haha i guess only day that i wont be meeting her this week would be weds ... lol have been going with her rather often this past few weeks and so ... haha and i really enjoy going out with her

P.S. All the Best for Your Papers

Fun Fun Fun

2008-02-17T21:19:00.005+08:00

Went to get a new phone today... had to get a new phone really badly cos my current phone is spoilt alr ... its like sometimes when i'm talking on the phone half way it would just off by itself ... haha and sometimes it will oso for no reason off by itself ... crap phone it almost 2 years old alr ... went to have breakfast with my dear ... wanted to eat hotcakes (yum yum hotcakes are the best) so decided to go eat a mac at my sch cos it was near her hse as i was goin to pick her but sadly we forgot it was sat so everything in sch was close ... lol so had to look for another mac ... so we went to Dhoby Ghaut mac we went to eat there and cos it was rather early and most of the shop were like not open yet we slack at mac for quite a while b4 we left ... haha after that we went to lucky plaza the maids' heaven ... lol think i could get a phone there but the price of it without plans were very ex .... lol so decided to go find stores which sold phones with plans ... haha however there were very little so the price ard the area were abt the same as there wasn't much competitions ... haha so we went to Toa Payoh to find for the phone... there we look ard all the price for the w580i were ard 198bucks so later we came to this store which was selling for 98bucks i was actually thinkin of continuing walking and look for better deals ... lol cos it was still rather early but luckily she said we could catch a movie since its early and i love her for saying that cos the guy had actually quoted the wrong price ... lol so he had sort of wrote down most of the document stuff and if he were to change the deal's price i might have back out on the deal so in order to keep the deal he said he would still stick to the mentioned price of 98bucks but for him to do that without losing any money he had to give a false document that i purchased a nokia5160 cos i guess m1 probably subsidies more if ppl bought that phone and use their lines ... haha any way i was shit lucky to get such a deal

here is a pic of my hot phone ... haha next we went back to town to catch a movie ... we watched juno it was a movie abt this gal who got pregnant and how she handled it and stuff it was partially a comedy too ... haha with a little sense of humor here and there ... aft the movie it was dinner time we went to Xin Wang to eat its some HK style restaurant ... we wanted to eat there i think its more of i want cos once she told me the food served there was nice so we ate there the food was really as nice as expected probably cos it was pre made in advance cos they might have thought that there would be tonnes of customers due to the Ching Gay parade that day ... haha but i guess their prediction was really bad cos there were very little ppl ... haha

me and my stupid face ... zzzzzzzz after dinner we went to walk ard esplanade wanted to bring her to the roof terrace at Esplanade cos the last time we came it was close cos it was very late but sadly this time it was close oso ... argh wth ... so we continued to walk ard esplanade we went to this place with some GeTai looking crap

next we went to see this chinese puppet show it was rater boring so aft a while we left ... lol

we walked for a little while more b4 deciding to leave sadly leaving the area was a prob ... public transport were freakin crowded due to the crowd from Ching Gay and cabs were hard to get due to closure of most roads ard the area so we had to walk rather far till abt Bras Basah near raffles hotel b4 we finally got a cab ... i sent her home and went home aft that and once again another day i spent away ... haha

P.S I LOVE My Bitch

14th feb : I love her

2008-02-15T20:31:00.004+08:00

finally the day has come ... i've been waiting for this day for a long time alr .... haha and finally its here haha i had to give tuition first during the aftnoon to my cousin then aft that i would pick her up thank god its all in the same area so everything is very easy ... haha so aft tuition abt 5.10 i went to her place to pick her up ... haha we went to eat at crystal jade ... haha for dinner we seriously wasted a lot of food ... lol haha cos orderd too much food that we jus cant finish ... haha aft that we went to play arcade at cine the arcade there sux should go other arcade ... haha

lol close to 930 we began to make our way to lido ... haha we wanted to see who were the idiot pair who bought the front row sits corner ... haha we wanted to look and laugh at them ... haha ... haha but they didnt turn up ... haha sad ... haha they had bought that seats way earlier than a lot of ppl ... haha i think they were too kan chiong to get seats ... lol haha dumb ass i got my tickets the day before jus in case it would be full house and it did ... haha we watched P.S. I Love You ... haha it was i really nice show ... haha i think i would recommend it to oter ppl to watch ... haha when the movie finished et was 1148 we wanted to go mount faber but we sort of didnt know how to get that other than train but there wasnt any train service alr so with had a change of plans we went to esplanade instead ... haha there were a lot of ppl too ... haha getting there was a prob too ... haha cos many part had beed enlcosed for ching gay ... haha wanted to go to roof terrace but it was close ... haha we later went to marina square ... haha its was a nice place with the nice cool breeze ... haha it was nice but as ppl slowly left the place it became a little errie ... haha so we decided to go some where else ... i think i was more afraid than her ... lol crap i'm so timid ... haha so useless ... haha we then decided to cab down to east coast we then spend our time there tgt till the next day ... haha o ya aft talkin so much i've not shown you what she gave me

a hand made pillow .... i'm seriously touched no one has ever done it for me ... haha i really love it

P.S. I Love You

first tuition

2008-02-11T22:28:00.000+08:00

it my first time giving tuition ... haha it was not bad teaching was not the difficult part it whether you can produce results in the student .... know i sort of really understand how teachers feel ... haha i think i wanna find more students ... haha but i think i will wait till my sch starts first no point i get loads of student to teach when sch starts i cant teach due to sch time table ... haha so i shall only have one student for now and some part time job and once sch starts find more students... haha till then see how and before i went to teach i went to have lunch with Yoshiko it was really nice to have lunch with her ... haha i really enjoyed lunch with her ... haha

more visiting

2008-02-10T21:16:00.003+08:00

went to visit at uncle francis's hse and guess what he has 2 new members to his family ... haha he has got 2 new jack russel ... the 2 puppies were really really playful they like to play biting ... haha so they will try to bite you but when they do get your hand in their mouth they would jus let go ... haha it was really fun playing with them ... haha later we had dinner with them ... aft dinner we watched spiderman 1 movie then we were served sprite mixed with peach vodka got a little drousy ... haha other than that it was ok alr... haha

i can't slp again

2008-02-10T06:00:00.000+08:00

haha.... i cant slp again ... haha o not really cant slp more of cant slp for long ... haha i will keep waking up once in a while ... haha my dad is back so i can get to slp ... haha however now there is some thing on my mind which i'm really excited abt ... haha and cause of that i cant really slp again ... haha .... i got a date with a gal whom i'm attracted to and its sort of the first time i'll be goin on a date on vday with some one i like ... haha wooohooo i really cant wait ... haha 4 more days hope i dont screw it up .. haha i'm writing this cos i cant seem to get back to slp ... haha i'm so so restless and its still 4 days to go .... haha later on the night b4 i think its really gonna be hard to slp .... i'm sure to feel real restless ... haha o my i cant wait ... haha

home alone

2008-02-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

here is a pic of my macbeth shoe cool huh ?? i think it rox but its a real heart pain to buy it

cos its 104bucks i really love it ... haha went to my grandma hse to do CNY visiting ... haha collect more ang pao ... woohoo ... haha

here is a dog at my granny's place ... haha

i can't sleep (damn another wordy post)

2008-02-08T02:49:00.000+08:00

it the first night since my dad went overseas and so i'm here all alone at home ... i nvr really expected it to be so hard to slp all alone ... not that i scared of ghost or what cos i know my house doesn't have any ... haha but i guess it the feeling of being lonely ... i guess this loneliness is making me unable to slp ... even though almost 90% of my life at home i do not talk to my dad or anything but i guess jus havin the presence so some and knowing that some one is with you is enough to keep loneliness a bay from me ... haha mayb thats why i'm quite quiet most of the time ... haha i really dont know how i'm gonna get to slp but one way or another i will fall asleep once i'm really tired ... haha so decided to wake up and blog hoping it will help me get to bed ... haha went to andee's hse today for dinner ... haha before dinner this gross flying cockroach flew in from the window ... haha it was freakin gross ... cockroach is alr bad enough this time its one that flew like a mad ass ... haha i hate flying cockroach .... haha and when i mean hate its hate with a capital H ... haha... being alone makes me think alot abt my life ... haha i dont know why but this is the first time i've felt this way ... haha i feel that my timid and shy self has always led to me missing the chance to know some ppl i think i really suck ... haha but what can i do i guess its jus me ... haha but sometimes not telling i think could be a good thing ... cos if the person didn't have the same feeling you have toward him/her it will really put you in an awkward state and it might even be hard to be friends sometimes ... but like wise it could be bad if the other party had the same affection they you have for each other but jus cos you didn't let each other know the chance would be wasted ... haiz i dunno